Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Randomize