great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
