When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
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