so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
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