you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Randomize
