My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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