Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
