I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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