I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Randomize
