Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
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