The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
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He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
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I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
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