so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
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