i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
Randomize