what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
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keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
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