haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
I like my sex mixed with concussions.
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
Four minutes until I can fart!
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
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