Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Randomize
