So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
