tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
this just has baby written all over it
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
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Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
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