So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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