my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
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