I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
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