she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
