I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
