new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Randomize
