I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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