yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Randomize
