I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
