I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Randomize