she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize
