are you still at the devil's house?
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Randomize
