Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
