Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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