You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
