Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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