i think my tv is drunk
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Randomize
