i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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