Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
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