Im at strip club and am horny
You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
