I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Randomize
