gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
Randomize
