You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
