I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
