she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
23 Theme Park Employees Confess The Biggest Adult Tantrums They’ve Witnessed
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.