If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
25 People Reveal The Creepiest Kids They Went to School With
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
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Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..