Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
23 People Reveal The Worst Culture Shock They’ve Ever Experienced While Traveling
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
27 People Confess Their Proudest Fap
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale