We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
These 27 People Had No Idea What They Were Doing When It Came To Sex
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle