we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
I look excited, but its just a facade.