$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
pop tarts are not kleenex
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????