I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
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