2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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