Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
