Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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