batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Randomize
