I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
love makes seman taste better
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Randomize
