i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
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