Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
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