this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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