I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
