you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
he thought i was a dude.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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