I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
