How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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