I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Randomize
