He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
My dick has a subreddit
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
