this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
whose ass print is on the piano?
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
