My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
There's always time for handjobs
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
