Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Randomize
