in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
