I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
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