I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
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