well I can't set my house on fire every night
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
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